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  2. Alotsam and Jetsam

    Lawyer: "What is the lady's age?" Client: "Oh my, she hasn't any." ...

    Article : 17 words
  3. His Possession.

    Teller : "Dolly Hunnigirl acts like one possessed." Cleverton: "Yes; she is engaged to me." ...

    Article : 17 words
  4. It Does.

    "Young man, how long have yon been kissing my daughter?" "I really can't tell, sir; time flies at Bach times." ...

    Article : 22 words
  5. A Woman's Discovery.

    Isabelle: "I used to sacrifice myself for other people." Belinda: "Don't you do it now?" Isabelle: "No. I've given it up; people seem ...

    Article : 43 words
  6. Not Trying for the V.C.

    A Dundee mither is asserted to have yelled to her son as he marched to the station on the first lap of his journey to the front— "Guid-bye, Jamie; guid-bye! An' min' an' keep weel ...

    Article : 47 words
  7. Queer Ways of Authors.

    "Mr. Flambeaux, have you any special methods in writing your novels?" "Yes, I generally try to begin at the beginning and wind up at the end." ...

    Article : 31 words
  8. A Mortifying Past.

    "I wish I had stayed away from that fortuneteller." "Didn't she promise you a prosperous and pleasant future?" ...

    Article : 38 words
  9. Or Blue.

    Hewitt: "What colour is 'dun' colour?" Jewett: "Red, I guess; that's the colour I get when anybody duns me." ...

    Article : 21 words
  10. Longer than Usual.

    "A Philadelphia woman who went shopping twenty years ago has just returned home," read Mrs. Bellingham in the paper. "It took a long time to match that ribbon," ...

    Article : 34 words
  11. Had No Choice.

    She: "I'll bet when Adam first met Eve he put on an air of superiority." He: "Well, there was nothing else to pat on just at that time." ...

    Article : 31 words
  12. Had Seen Them Elsewhere.

    Eddie: "I hear that you gave your ma a pan of slippers for her birthday." Freddie: "Yes; and I marked them 'To be worn only on the feet.'" ...

    Article : 32 words
  13. What's in a Name?

    "Does he bear a good name?" "Well—er—er—it is Smith. What do you think about it yourself?" ...

    Article : 20 words
  14. Mistaken Identity

    Stranger (on street): "Do you love your little baby brother there, my boy." Herbie: " No, sirree." Stranger (surprised): "Pray, why not?" ...

    Article : 32 words
  15. Very Similar.

    Customer: "Have you a copy of 'Fifteen Decisive Battles?'" Bookseller: "No, but I can give you a copy or How to be Happy Though Married.'" ...

    Article : 27 words
  16. To Forgetful Husbands.

    A vagrant thought comes shyly in, And whispers: "You had better Get out of bed and hustle 'round To post that letter." ...

    Article : 25 words
  17. On the French Riviera.

    He: "And did you see Monte Carlo while you were at Nice?" She: "No; papa called on him, I believe, but from his disappointed appearance when ...

    Article : 43 words
  18. Just a Fad.

    "Gimp's funeral took place to-day," remarked Barlow to his wife. "Dear me, is Mr. Gimp dead?" said Mrs. Barlow. ...

    Article : 38 words
  19. Sound Advice.

    Dr. Potter: "I have been in the harness so long that I am thinking of retiring from active practice and devoting the remaining years of my life to certain studies which I have been ...

    Article : 50 words
  20. Hoping for the Best.

    Benham: "Everybody says that baby looks like me." Mrs. Benham: "But he may outgrow it, dear." ...

    Article : 20 words
  21. FACTS AND FANCIES.

    A little nonsense now and then Is relished by the wisest men.—HUDIBRAS. Very frequently circumstances alter kisses. There are times when we seem to have very ...

    Article : 794 words
  22. Meet.

    "My idol has feet of clay! It is hot meet!" Thus reproached, the poet's, wife wrung her bands in despair. "I cannot make both ends meet on our ...

    Article : 32 words
  23. What He Wanted.

    An Aberdeen shopkeeper asked an Irishman who was standing at the street corner if he wanted a job. "Yes, sur," replied the Irishman. ...

    Article : 60 words
  24. His Insignificance.

    Sapsmith often makes a spectacle of himself, doesn't he?" "Well, hardly that He is too insignificant to make more than a monocle of himself." ...

    Article : 26 words
  25. Muscular Faith.

    Mrs. Hix: "I don't take any stock in these faith cures brought about by the laying on of hands." Mrs. Dix: "Well, I do. I cared my little ...

    Article : 38 words
  26. Unfeminine.

    Cumso: "The Dowager Empress of China is very unwomanly." Cawker: "Indeed?" Cumso: "Yes She adds no postscript to ...

    Article : 21 words
  27. Each to His Trade.

    In a certain parish the minister and the grave digger did not agree very well. John (the digger) thought the minister interfered too much. One day while John was digging a ...

    Article : 64 words
  28. Give and Take.

    Tess: "Jack stole a kin from me last night." Jess: "The idea! What did you do about ...

    Article : 29 words
  29. Remarkably Reserved.

    "Shrinkshy is a very reserved man." "Yes, Indeed. Of course I don't know, but I honestly believe he could have a toothache without any one knowing it." ...

    Article : 29 words
  30. A New Disease.

    Mamma: "What is Willie crying about?" Bridget: "Shure, ma'am, he wanted to go across the street to Tommy Green's." Mamma: "Well, why didn't you let him ...

    Article : 47 words
  31. Its Meaning.

    "So she has rejected yon? Oh, well, old fellow, you know what a woman's negative usually means." "Yes, but in this instance I am afraid it is ...

    Article : 30 words
  32. A Gump of a Poet.

    Mrs. De Fashion: "What a gump that Mr. Finemind, the great poet, is!" Friend: "Is he?" Mrs. De Fashion: "Huh! At the grand ...

    Article : 74 words
  33. A Diplomatic Suggestion.

    She: "Then I'm going right straight in and tell mamma you broke a plate!" He: "Hadn't you better wait untill I hide the cup that yon broke yesterday?" ...

    Article : 31 words
  34. His Sarcasm.

    "Bruddren and sistahs," sternly said good old Parson Woollimon, after the collection bad been taken up upon a recent Sabbath morning, "before de hat was done parsed I expounded ...

    Article : 189 words
  35. He Had Fixed That.

    Hewitt: "So you are enaged to Miss Gruet?" Jewett: "Yes." Hewitt: "She looks so much like her twin ...

    Article : 42 words
  36. Misnamed.

    Hojack: "I understand that yon skated into an airhole the other day." Tomdik: "That's what they called it, but I found it was full of water." ...

    Article : 27 words
  37. Force of Habit.

    "That glee club went to pieces right in the middle of the concert." "Fire broke out?" "No; somebody threw a golf ball on the ...

    Article : 44 words
  38. Making Friends.

    "Lady Hermione Graham, who was very witty as well as beautiful, was presiding at a stall at a charity bazaar, and asked Lord Suffolk, who was a abort and fat man, to bay ...

    Article : 61 words
  39. Most Unfeeling.

    Mrs. Benham: "When I married yon you said you couldn't live more than ten years." Beuham; "Well?" Mrs. Benham: "You have lived eleven. ...

    Article : 38 words
  40. An Apology.

    "Umph—ah!—bruddren and sistahs," began good old Parson Woollimon, upon a recerit Sabbath evening, after the choir had finished their opening spasm, "befo' enterin' into de ...

    Article : 313 words
  41. She Must Have Been Looking.

    "Belinda says her photograph was taken when she wasn't looking, but I don't believe it." "Why don't you?" ...

    Article : 36 words
  42. A Sure Sign.

    Mrs. Winterbloom: "I feel better now that I've snubbed that Jones woman." Mrs. Peterkin: "Do you think it disturbed her?" ...

    Article : 40 words
  43. Utterly Crabbed.

    "Are you fond of children?" asked young Mrs. Torkins. "Sometimes," said the man who doesn't care how disagreeable he is. "I met a very ...

    Article : 39 words
  44. As Others See Us.

    ["The English attach an importance to sanitation, the pettiness of which may cause us to smile."- "Le Temps."] But zey are droles, ces Anglais! ...

    Article : 143 words
  45. Too Indefinite.

    "Think of a number." "Yes." "Double it." "Yes." ...

    Article : 68 words
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