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  2. Flotsam and Jetsam

    "You can't serve two masters." "Oh yes, you can, if you work overtime." ...

    Article : 21 words
  3. Highly Improbable.

    Author: "Why do you say that my story isn't true to life?" Editor: "Because you make the hero true to death." ...

    Article : 23 words
  4. Proof.

    Madge: "But don't you really believe that Ida is engaged?" May: "No; I'm sure she isn't. I asked her if there was any truth in the report. ...

    Article : 35 words
  5. Determined to Succeed.

    Clerk : "You can't get these boots on. You should try a size larger." O'Rafferty: "Niver do yez moind. Orll be able to get thim on siter Oi wear thim a toim ...

    Article : 38 words
  6. He Had No Doubts.

    James Cuteboy Centerback looked down into the face of the young girl who, but a few short weeks before, had promised to be his bride, with all the love of which a young, ...

    Article : 337 words
  7. Morning at the Police Station.

    "You say your name is Wellington Montgomery. Last night you told the officer in charge it was John Brown." "For reasons which need not be explained, ...

    Article : 46 words
  8. Poor February.

    Hewitt: "The fellows that made the calendar were rather rough on poor February, to give her only twenty-eight days." Jewett: "Yes, they stole a March on her." ...

    Article : 29 words
  9. Winning Her.

    Briggs: "Nothing remains but to ask me girl." Griggs: "Do you think she will consent?" Briggs: "Oh, yes. I am going to tell her ...

    Article : 36 words
  10. The Ancestral Lie Again.

    The Lamb: "Our family are all educated. You know we trace our ancestry back to Mary's lamb." The Calf: "That's nothing. I'm a direct ...

    Article : 33 words
  11. Johnny's Reason.

    Teacher: "Johnny, write upon the blackboard the sentence: 'Two heads are better than one.' Now, Johnny, do you believe ...

    Article : 42 words
  12. Orthoepy.

    There was a young fellow in Nice Who never would rhyme it with Greece; And when he had thrice Pronounced the town nice, ...

    Article : 30 words
  13. The Violent Art of Elocution.

    "Aren't you afraid to leave that handsome brie-a-brac on the mantels and tables while your daughter recites?" "No; those are old patched-up pieces that ...

    Article : 35 words
  14. News.

    The Austrian: "Yes, sir, ze vomen of Vienna air not equalled by any in ze vide vorld." The Australian: "Indeed. I had no idea ...

    Article : 33 words
  15. FACTS AND FANCIES.

    A little nonsense now and then Is relished by the wisest mon.—HUDIBRAS. "Do the members ask much for this wine, John?" "Never more than once, sir." ...

    Article : 777 words
  16. A Choice of Evils.

    "The Folderols have recalled their reception invitations." "Anybody sick?" "No; Mrs. Folderol changed her mind, and ...

    Article : 28 words
  17. Wouldn't Suit.

    "Why did you never marry, Tom?" "Well, you see, old man, when I was quite young I resolved I would never marry until I found an ideal woman. After many years I ...

    Article : 47 words
  18. Three Consolation Cooks.

    She: "Now, Robert will go back to his home and die." The Successful One: "Of chagrin?" She: "No; of dyspepsis. Women always ...

    Article : 35 words
  19. Not What He Wanted.

    "I perceive, sir," began pedler suavely, "that there are children in the house." "Have I the honour of speaking to Mr. Sherlock Holmes?" inquired Mr. Poply ...

    Article : 327 words
  20. Strictly Honest.

    Mother: "I gave each of you boys an orange. Charlie, you said you wouldn't eat yours until after dinner. And you, Jack, said the same. Have you deceived me?" ...

    Article : 47 words
  21. A Bad Symptom.

    "I want you to prescribe for my wife, doctor." "What's the matter with her?" "I don't know, but I am sure there is ...

    Article : 42 words
  22. Clearing His Character.

    Judge: "Would you know the cost again which the prisoner is alleged to have stolen?" Witness: "Most certainly." Prisoner: "There, you see, gentlemen, that ...

    Article : 44 words
  23. Fair Terms

    George: "Papa, I want you to buy me a drum. All the other boys have them." Father: "No; you would make too much noise, There would be no llving in the house ...

    Article : 53 words
  24. Insidious.

    Wife: "Do you think Tommy disturbs our neighbour with his drum?" Husband: "I'm afraid so; the man next door made him a present of a nice new knife ...

    Article : 46 words
  25. Not a Spartan.

    "You have six brothers in the army, little boy?" "Yes'm. Maw made'em go." "Made her sons go to war? She must be a ...

    Article : 42 words
  26. Discouraged Him.

    "What, singing so early in the morning!" exclaimed the boarding-house landlady as she encountered Mr. Warbles in the hall. "Don't you know it's unlucky to sing before ...

    Article : 51 words
  27. Too Literal.

    "Here in the East," said Miss Hiborn, "we attach more importance to blood than you do in the West." "Oh, I don't know!" replied Miss Lakeside, ...

    Article : 50 words
  28. He Would Bear Up.

    A dishonest gardener had received notice of dismissal from his master, a minister, and after an unsuccessful attempt to vindicate his character, said mournfully, "Ah, sir, you will ...

    Article : 54 words
  29. An Effectual Method.

    "Hard water can be made soft by the addition of soda," said the professor. "Now, can soft water be made hard?" "Yes sir," replied Thomas F. Taddells. ...

    Article : 36 words
  30. Why He Ran Away.

    A certain Manx boy had reached that period in his education when it was thought advisable for him to leave school and go out into the world to learn things. He was hired at the ...

    Article : 144 words
  31. Too Much.

    "The fact is,"said Witherby, "I am not only tired of living so far away from town, but the everlasting torments I have been subjected to since I bought my house in the ...

    Article : 404 words
  32. A Terrible Poor Set.

    A North Devon farmer was certain that the reason why the clergy attended episcopal visitations was to exchange their manuscript sermons under the supervision of the Bishop, ...

    Article : 56 words
  33. An Unfortunate Man.

    "How old was the wall that fell on me?" said the Irishman to the policeman who was carrying him on an ambulance to the hospital. "Oh, I should say about eighty years," ...

    Article : 59 words
  34. The Wearin' of the Green.

    In the lobby of the House, two members of Parliament were discussing the honour now being paid to Ireland and Irish troops. The one was a Scotchman and the other an ...

    Article : 161 words
  35. Scottish Reticence.

    A story illustrating the reticence of the Scots is credited to Ian Maclaren. A train was at a station, when a porter put his head into a carriage and called out: "Any one for Doun? ...

    Article : 87 words
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