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  2. He Refused to Listen.

    "Pardon me," began the victim of fate who was compelled to solicit aims, as she approached the crusty old bachelor's desk, "but I am a poor lone widow, ...

    Article : 52 words
  3. Alotsam and Jetsam

    Briggs: "What is the use of proposing to that girl when I know she doesn't love me?" Griggs: "Try it, old man. She didn't love ...

    Article : 36 words
  4. Driven to It

    Kicker: "Our butcher is getting business down to a fine point, these days of high priced beef; ho even sells the head and the tail." ...

    Article : 37 words
  5. And Adam Obeyed.

    Adam : "Good-bye till night, Eve." Eve: "Good-bye, Adam. Don't bring anybody home to tea with you." ...

    Article : 20 words
  6. Not the Same.

    Nodd: "After a man has been married a few years things look different." Todd : "Don't they? My bank account has wholly changed." ...

    Article : 26 words
  7. The Height of Politeness.

    I hope I make myself plain," said the lady, trying to explain a question to a caller. "I hope not, madam," he responded, " I would prefer that I be stupid rather than that ...

    Article : 41 words
  8. In Mourning.

    "What! back again!" exclaimed the-" young housekeeper, "you can't expect me to give you cake every day." "No, lady." replied the poor beggar "I ...

    Article : 51 words
  9. Disagreed with It.

    "Mary!" yelled the poet. " What is it, dear?" asked the patient wife. "Why don't you keep that kid quiet? What on earth's the matter with it?" ...

    Article : 45 words
  10. The Odorous Dollar.

    "I think a dollar ought to smell Quite nice," quoth Master Wit, "Because, you know, it always has A hundred cents in it." ...

    Article : 26 words
  11. A Sad State or Affairs.

    Mrs. Benham: "It's hard on the people of Greenland to have nights six months long." Benham: "Yes. Just think of the sufferings of the man whose wife's mother drops ...

    Article : 41 words
  12. FACTS AND FANCIES.

    A little nonsense now and then I relished by tho wisest men.—HUDIBRAS. "I don't believe a woman Can keep a secret." "You don't? Well, just ask one her age." ...

    Article : 923 words
  13. Cheering.

    Lieutenant: "I am going to the front after all." She: "Oh, lam so glad. It's so much more interesting reading the lists of killed and ...

    Article : 35 words
  14. Cordial.

    Tom: "Have you had any tiffs with your girl lately?" Jack: "No. We're great friends now." Tom: "How is that?" ...

    Article : 27 words
  15. A Polite Rejoinder.

    Old Gentleman (to boy on 12th birthday): "I hope you will improve in wisdom, knowledge, and virtue." Boy (politely): "The same to you, sir." ...

    Article : 27 words
  16. Meant to be Thoughtful.

    "Good gracious child, you're dripping wet!" "Yes, mother, I fell into the pond." "With your new clothes on, too!" "I'm sorry, mum, but I didn't have time to ...

    Article : 35 words
  17. Her Unanswerable Argument.

    "That young man means well," said Mabel's father, "but he isn't intellectual. He doesn't think much." " Yes he does," said Mabel confidently "He thinks a great deal of me." ...

    Article : 33 words
  18. The Enraged Elephant.

    An Elephant come from Benair At the Customs officials did swear; "You all must be drunk If you think that my trunk ...

    Article : 31 words
  19. The Phrase Acceptable.

    "I know," pleaded the little bride humbly, "that I make a good many grammatical errors." "They are nothing," said the young husband, " to those mother used to make." ...

    Article : 32 words
  20. Appropriate.

    Squire's Daughter: "Good morning, Marjorie. How are the twins, and what names are you going to give them?" Marjorie : "Well, miss, we've decided to call ...

    Article : 34 words
  21. A Virtue of Necessity.

    Aunt Maria: "What a good little boy to leave your little friends to come with a poor old auntie like me." Master Douglas : "Oh mother always makes ...

    Article : 42 words
  22. A Business Woman.

    "But if I fail?" said the young man as he started to ask the girl's father for her. "Well," she replied promptly, "you can make an assignment, and I'll become your ...

    Article : 35 words
  23. Hated to Waste Time.

    Now, Tommy," said an anxious mother to her son, "the minister will be here to dinner to-day, and you must be sure to wash your face clean." ...

    Article : 42 words
  24. Professional Amenities.

    "By-the-bye what are you doing now, Mr. Tallboy?" "Oh, I'm at the Theatre Royal—in Jack and the beanstalk,' don't you know?" ...

    Article : 29 words
  25. Quicker than Telegraph.

    He: "Can you tell me the three quickest means of communication?" She : "Telephone, telegraph-" He: "Well, what's the third?" ...

    Article : 32 words
  26. Genuine Charity.

    She: "I suppose you read in the paper about those patriotic mill girls in Scotland who are knitting woollen stockings for the soldiers in the field. Isn't that pretty?" ...

    Article : 47 words
  27. A Mere Trifle.

    Theatrical Manager: "Your comedy is very good, very good indeed! But you ought to cut out one act of it." Playwright: "Cut out one act? Why, it's ...

    Article : 40 words
  28. The Rivals.

    "Gracious, my dear," said the first society belle spitefully, "I trust you're not ill. You look so much older to-night." "Do I dear?" the other replied sweetly. ...

    Article : 44 words
  29. Parted in the Centre.

    Walter, a bright little 3-year-old, had just made his first visit to the barber's. He looked very dissatisfied upon his return and his mamma asked him the reason. ...

    Article : 67 words
  30. Candidly Discussed.

    "What do you think of a man who would sell his vote for ten shillings?" said the indignant citizen. "It depends on where he lives," said the ...

    Article : 44 words
  31. Her Notice.

    The Judge: "Why do you refuse to pay the plaintiff for the four days she worked?" The Suburbanite: "She left without giving notice, your honour." ...

    Article : 55 words
  32. Practice Makes Perfect.

    "Yes," said Farmer Corntossel, "let Josh go right ahead play In' goir. I reckon it'll do him good." " You said, you thought It was a waste ...

    Article : 69 words
  33. Its Softer Side.

    "This is a hard world," said the gloomy man. "You ought to come out and live where I do." said the cheery friend. "You want to get ...

    Article : 61 words
  34. The Only Course.

    Judge (to witness): "I understand that you overheard the quarrel between the defendant and his wife?" Witness: "Yes, sir." ...

    Article : 42 words
  35. The Joys of Anticipation.

    Said Mrs. Gadabout, who had come to spend the day, to little Edith: "Are you glad to see me again, Edith?" "Yes, m'm. and mamma's glad, too." replied ...

    Article : 55 words
  36. No Chance.

    "Well, James," said the parson sympathetically to a discharged convict, "have you decided on what you want to do?" "Yes, boss," replied the ex-crook. " ...

    Article : 94 words
  37. An Embryonic Scheme.

    "I have an idea," said the dentist's patient as he put on his coat after making an appointment for two hours of anguish on the following Tuesday. "I have a plan for filling teeth. It ...

    Article : 100 words
  38. Put it in a Safe Place.

    Biddy: "It's at the drink ye've been again, Larry—so ye have; and you sint to sell the pig. And, by the same token, where's the ...

    Article : 77 words
  39. Many Things Made Plain.

    A small boy in the Sunday school propounded an entirely new theory of creation. "Who made man?" asked the teacher. " God," was the prompt reply. ...

    Article : 88 words
  40. Full of Resource.

    President Kruger (reading the Chancellor of the Exchequer's speech on the Budget debate):- "I am not going to bind myself as to what I ...

    Article : 68 words
  41. Tasted Like It.

    Mrs. Jones: " And pray, Mr. Jones, what is the matter now?" Jones: "I was only wondering, my dear, where you might have bought this fish." ...

    Article : 60 words
  42. Willing to Oblige.

    There is no little zeal on the part of women at Capetown for nursing the sick and wounded soldiers—a zeal which now and then outruns discretion, and a good story is ...

    Article : 140 words
  43. The Dangers of the Metropolis.

    Miss Marjorie: "And how is your son James getting on, Mr. Giles?" Giles (whose son has gone to London "on service"): "Well, to tell ye the truth. Miss ...

    Article : 130 words
  44. A Wily Bird.

    Time, 3 a.m. (Brown quietly closing his door after entering)— Voice from above : "Is that you, John? You're very late, aren't you?" ...

    Article : 65 words
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