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  2. Flotsam and Jetsam

    'Tis distance lends enchantment to the view, And makes out old clothes look as good as new. ...

    Article : 23 words
  3. Proof Positive.

    She: "Are you quite sure you love me, dear?" He: "Don't I let you drive my horse?" ...

    Article : 19 words
  4. A Society Catastrophe.

    Percy: "I don't like that stupid girl over there, and she doesn't like me-who is she?" Guy: "Oh, she's my sister." ...

    Article : 24 words
  5. She'd Find It.

    "Doctor, my wife has lost her voice; what can I do about it?" "Go home late some night." ...

    Article : 21 words
  6. The Well-deserving.

    Mannix: "Here, you'll give something toward a monument to Spath, won't you?" Payne: "What did he do?" Mannix: "Well-he died, anyhow." ...

    Article : 23 words
  7. Trying to Scare Her.

    "Ma, our old cat likes a joke." "What makes you think so, Jimmy?" "'Cause, when she ketches a mouse she allus brings it to you." ...

    Article : 29 words
  8. How Johnny Hurt Him.

    Mother: "What are you crying for, child?" "Johnny hurt me," "How, pray?" "I was going to hit him with my fist, when ...

    Article : 34 words
  9. Why He Succeeded.

    Biggs: "Is your friend Speaks a success on the lecture platform?" Driggs: "Sure. He has the faculty of making his audience believe that he knows ...

    Article : 33 words
  10. A War Expert.

    Although no man of mighty deeds, He has my admiration keen; He can pronounce the names he reads And knows Just what the war maps mean ...

    Article : 29 words
  11. Rough on Cholly.

    Cholly: "I wondah how I shall go to the masquewade pahty?" Isabel: "Why don't you go disguised as a man?" ...

    Article : 23 words
  12. Refractory.

    Mrs. Peterkin: "Without exception, yon are the most obstinate perverse man I ever saw." Peterkin: "What have I done now?" Mrs. Peterkin: "Why, I have had that new ...

    Article : 42 words
  13. Not Her Fault.

    When George was young and chopped the tree, His mother's words we do not know; She doubtless said : "In spite of me, ...

    Article : 35 words
  14. An Energetic Man.

    Cholly: "Your papa kicked me out when I asked him for your hand." Miss Gabby: "Papa is so intense. He his Whole sole into everything he ...

    Article : 31 words
  15. Feline Amenities.

    Mrs. Hoyle: "I have had such a cold that I couldn't speak for three days." Mrs. Doyle: "How you must have suffered!" ...

    Article : 24 words
  16. His Object.

    Mrs. Von Blumer: "I am getting so I care less and less for people in the aggregate. That afternoon tea was a great bore." Mr. Von Blumer: "What did you go, then, ...

    Article : 49 words
  17. Quite Uncalled For.

    Eila: "That girl is a life-long friend of mine." Stella: "She doesn't look more than 40 years old." ...

    Article : 21 words
  18. Of Two Evils, &c.

    "Singing is recommended as a cure for disease," remarked the tenor. "I prefer the disease," added the philistine. ...

    Article : 22 words
  19. Those Loving Girls.

    Hattie: "I'm invited to the Upperten's ball next week, but I really don't know what to wear. What would you wear if [?] had my complexion?" ...

    Article : 40 words
  20. FACTS AND FANCIES.

    A little nonsense now and then Is relished by the wisest mon,—HUDIBRAS. "How do you know he married her for her money?" "I've seen her." ...

    Article : 714 words
  21. Breaking It Gently.

    "I'm sorry you're to leave, Bridget," said the housemaid to the cook. "But Oi'm not to lave," replied Bridget. "Who could yez I was?" ...

    Article : 30 words
  22. Thought They were Invited.

    "How did you gather such a large congregation of old and middle-aged people?" asked the young minister of the old one. I advertised a sermon to the young. ...

    Article : 36 words
  23. Commercial Candour.

    "Did you Lake any interest in the last election?" "Interest!" added Senator Sorghum in grieved accents. "I was mighty lucky to ...

    Article : 27 words
  24. Lessons in Gallantry.

    "What did the Empress Dowager threaten to behead you for?" "For neglecting my manners," said the young Chinese Emperor. "I forgot to get ...

    Article : 38 words
  25. Her Unhappy Query.

    "Oh, dear!" exclaimed the thoughtless girl. "I have done it again!" "What have you done?" "Hunt the feelings of that gentleman who ...

    Article : 40 words
  26. A Father's Occupation.

    "How far back can you trace your ancestry?" "I don't have time to trace ancestors at all —it keeps me on the jump to follow my ...

    Article : 31 words
  27. An Accident.

    Kindly Gentleman (in alarm): "Goodness! Have you had an accident, little boy?" [Little Boy: "Yessir; a turrible ...

    Article : 39 words
  28. The End.

    Author: "I've left off writing things." Editor: "What's that for?" Author: "Well, I wrote a cheque the other day and the bank rejected it, so I think I have ...

    Article : 34 words
  29. Not Quite Hopeless.

    Borem: "Well, have you decided to swear off drinking at last?" Guzzle: "No. I'm going to give myself one more chance." ...

    Article : 44 words
  30. His View of It.

    She: "Why don't you do something to win wealth and glory?" He: "I would, bat I'm afraid if I go to Klondyke I'll freeze to death, and if I go to ...

    Article : 40 words
  31. Just a Common Baby.

    Mabel: "Say, ma, you know them Italian folks on the corner that have a little baby? Well, their baby ain't Italian after all." Mrs. Wilkins: "It isn't? How can you ...

    Article : 54 words
  32. Broken in to Harness.

    "I thoroughly dislike to see a man who has no occupation," said Mr. Meekton's wife. "So do I, (Henrietta," was the reply. "I always said that, no matter how rich a man ...

    Article : 68 words
  33. Simultaneous Acumen.

    Poor Poet: "If ever I get famous I wonder what will be the first thing to happen." Poor Poet's Wife: "I know; all the magazine editors that have abused you will hop up ...

    Article : 41 words
  34. Nirvana.

    A little girl who was trying to tell a friend how absent-minded her grandpa was said: "He walks about, thinking about nothing, ...

    Article : 47 words
  35. Contrary to Expectation.

    She: "I suppose you attended the amateur theatricals last night?" He: "Yes, and there wasn't a dry eye to the house." She: "You don't say so? I never heard of ...

    Article : 57 words
  36. Distressing Mistakes.

    "A man can't be too careful whom he snubs." "What do yon mean?" "Why, every once in awhile I've snubbed ...

    Article : 33 words
  37. His Good Record.

    "It Is not merely whether you truly love me," said the rich widow who is the mother of six little children. "I must also have assurance that you will be a kind and ...

    Article : 80 words
  38. Or Was She Lazy?

    Wife: "I had to discharge the cook today." Husband: "What for?" Wife: "Oh, she got too tender-hearted ...

    Article : 50 words
  39. Rural Charms.

    Urbanite:-"What's the matter with your hand?" Suburbanite: "I froze my fingers going home last night." ...

    Article : 36 words
  40. Short on Logs.

    The volunteer in South Africa wrote home to the old man as follows:— "Father," I need £10 immediately. Lost another leg in battle yesterday." ...

    Article : 81 words
  41. The Biter Bit.

    "By the way," said the sweet young thing gently, "I read not long since of a lunatic being restored to reason by a blow on the head. But this was a lunatic, not ...

    Article : 81 words
  42. The Fashion in France.

    De Castellane: "Infamous! I have found you at ze last!" De Rodays: "Scoundrel! I spurn yon wiz my foots!" ...

    Article : 263 words
  43. His One Song.

    Fuddy: "Why will you stick to that one song? I have heard you sing it for these five years, and never knew you to sing any other. I should think you would find it ...

    Article : 75 words
  44. Not Known at Greenwich.

    "What time will you be home, dear?" asked the young wife as her husband started down town after breakfast." "Oh, about 1 t.m., I guess," was the ...

    Article : 61 words
  45. Detailed Information.

    These particular twine live in the suburbs. Once not very long ago one of them was naughty, and to punish her the mother made her stay indoors all day. To add a ...

    Article : 137 words
  46. The Boy Won.

    "Say, mister, do you want your bag carried?" asked a boy, running after a man who was hurrying along the street, evidently bound for the railway station. ...

    Article : 135 words
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