'Tis distance lends enchantment to the view, And makes out old clothes look as good as new. ...
Article : 23 wordsShe: "Are you quite sure you love me, dear?" He: "Don't I let you drive my horse?" ...
Article : 19 wordsPercy: "I don't like that stupid girl over there, and she doesn't like me-who is she?" Guy: "Oh, she's my sister." ...
Article : 24 words"Doctor, my wife has lost her voice; what can I do about it?" "Go home late some night." ...
Article : 21 wordsMannix: "Here, you'll give something toward a monument to Spath, won't you?" Payne: "What did he do?" Mannix: "Well-he died, anyhow." ...
Article : 23 words"Ma, our old cat likes a joke." "What makes you think so, Jimmy?" "'Cause, when she ketches a mouse she allus brings it to you." ...
Article : 29 wordsMother: "What are you crying for, child?" "Johnny hurt me," "How, pray?" "I was going to hit him with my fist, when ...
Article : 34 wordsBiggs: "Is your friend Speaks a success on the lecture platform?" Driggs: "Sure. He has the faculty of making his audience believe that he knows ...
Article : 33 wordsAlthough no man of mighty deeds, He has my admiration keen; He can pronounce the names he reads And knows Just what the war maps mean ...
Article : 29 wordsCholly: "I wondah how I shall go to the masquewade pahty?" Isabel: "Why don't you go disguised as a man?" ...
Article : 23 wordsMrs. Peterkin: "Without exception, yon are the most obstinate perverse man I ever saw." Peterkin: "What have I done now?" Mrs. Peterkin: "Why, I have had that new ...
Article : 42 wordsWhen George was young and chopped the tree, His mother's words we do not know; She doubtless said : "In spite of me, ...
Article : 35 wordsCholly: "Your papa kicked me out when I asked him for your hand." Miss Gabby: "Papa is so intense. He his Whole sole into everything he ...
Article : 31 wordsMrs. Hoyle: "I have had such a cold that I couldn't speak for three days." Mrs. Doyle: "How you must have suffered!" ...
Article : 24 wordsMrs. Von Blumer: "I am getting so I care less and less for people in the aggregate. That afternoon tea was a great bore." Mr. Von Blumer: "What did you go, then, ...
Article : 49 wordsEila: "That girl is a life-long friend of mine." Stella: "She doesn't look more than 40 years old." ...
Article : 21 words"Singing is recommended as a cure for disease," remarked the tenor. "I prefer the disease," added the philistine. ...
Article : 22 wordsHattie: "I'm invited to the Upperten's ball next week, but I really don't know what to wear. What would you wear if [?] had my complexion?" ...
Article : 40 wordsA little nonsense now and then Is relished by the wisest mon,—HUDIBRAS. "How do you know he married her for her money?" "I've seen her." ...
Article : 714 words"I'm sorry you're to leave, Bridget," said the housemaid to the cook. "But Oi'm not to lave," replied Bridget. "Who could yez I was?" ...
Article : 30 words"How did you gather such a large congregation of old and middle-aged people?" asked the young minister of the old one. I advertised a sermon to the young. ...
Article : 36 words"Did you Lake any interest in the last election?" "Interest!" added Senator Sorghum in grieved accents. "I was mighty lucky to ...
Article : 27 words"What did the Empress Dowager threaten to behead you for?" "For neglecting my manners," said the young Chinese Emperor. "I forgot to get ...
Article : 38 words"Oh, dear!" exclaimed the thoughtless girl. "I have done it again!" "What have you done?" "Hunt the feelings of that gentleman who ...
Article : 40 words"How far back can you trace your ancestry?" "I don't have time to trace ancestors at all —it keeps me on the jump to follow my ...
Article : 31 wordsKindly Gentleman (in alarm): "Goodness! Have you had an accident, little boy?" [Little Boy: "Yessir; a turrible ...
Article : 39 wordsAuthor: "I've left off writing things." Editor: "What's that for?" Author: "Well, I wrote a cheque the other day and the bank rejected it, so I think I have ...
Article : 34 wordsBorem: "Well, have you decided to swear off drinking at last?" Guzzle: "No. I'm going to give myself one more chance." ...
Article : 44 wordsShe: "Why don't you do something to win wealth and glory?" He: "I would, bat I'm afraid if I go to Klondyke I'll freeze to death, and if I go to ...
Article : 40 wordsMabel: "Say, ma, you know them Italian folks on the corner that have a little baby? Well, their baby ain't Italian after all." Mrs. Wilkins: "It isn't? How can you ...
Article : 54 words"I thoroughly dislike to see a man who has no occupation," said Mr. Meekton's wife. "So do I, (Henrietta," was the reply. "I always said that, no matter how rich a man ...
Article : 68 wordsPoor Poet: "If ever I get famous I wonder what will be the first thing to happen." Poor Poet's Wife: "I know; all the magazine editors that have abused you will hop up ...
Article : 41 wordsA little girl who was trying to tell a friend how absent-minded her grandpa was said: "He walks about, thinking about nothing, ...
Article : 47 wordsShe: "I suppose you attended the amateur theatricals last night?" He: "Yes, and there wasn't a dry eye to the house." She: "You don't say so? I never heard of ...
Article : 57 words"A man can't be too careful whom he snubs." "What do yon mean?" "Why, every once in awhile I've snubbed ...
Article : 33 words"It Is not merely whether you truly love me," said the rich widow who is the mother of six little children. "I must also have assurance that you will be a kind and ...
Article : 80 wordsWife: "I had to discharge the cook today." Husband: "What for?" Wife: "Oh, she got too tender-hearted ...
Article : 50 wordsUrbanite:-"What's the matter with your hand?" Suburbanite: "I froze my fingers going home last night." ...
Article : 36 wordsThe volunteer in South Africa wrote home to the old man as follows:— "Father," I need £10 immediately. Lost another leg in battle yesterday." ...
Article : 81 words"By the way," said the sweet young thing gently, "I read not long since of a lunatic being restored to reason by a blow on the head. But this was a lunatic, not ...
Article : 81 wordsDe Castellane: "Infamous! I have found you at ze last!" De Rodays: "Scoundrel! I spurn yon wiz my foots!" ...
Article : 263 wordsFuddy: "Why will you stick to that one song? I have heard you sing it for these five years, and never knew you to sing any other. I should think you would find it ...
Article : 75 words"What time will you be home, dear?" asked the young wife as her husband started down town after breakfast." "Oh, about 1 t.m., I guess," was the ...
Article : 61 wordsThese particular twine live in the suburbs. Once not very long ago one of them was naughty, and to punish her the mother made her stay indoors all day. To add a ...
Article : 137 words"Say, mister, do you want your bag carried?" asked a boy, running after a man who was hurrying along the street, evidently bound for the railway station. ...
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The Queenslander (Brisbane, Qld. : 1866 - 1939), Sat 9 Jun 1900, Page 1080
It's easy and takes two shakes of a lamb's tail!
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