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  2. A Chance Wanted.

    She: "It tells here of a man in Melbourne who hasn't spoken to his wife in fifteen years." He: "Perhaps he is waiting for a chance." ...

    Article : 29 words
  3. Stone Broke.

    Gentleman: "Are you really so hard up?" Tramp: "Hard up? Why, sir, if suits of clothes wnz sellin' at a penny a piece I wouldn't have enough to buy the armhole of a vest." ...

    Article : 36 words
  4. Alotsam and Jetsam

    Imperial Russian Frontier Official (inspecting passport): "On diplomatic business?" Dr. Leyds: "Oh, no! Merely travelling ...

    Article : 23 words
  5. No Use Insuring.

    Cohen: "Did you effer notice dot matches vill neffer burn yen you vant them to?" Abrahams (drowsily: "No, Cohen, I neffer owned a match factory!" ...

    Article : 28 words
  6. At the Station.

    City Man: "I suppose all these country boys come down here to see the trains come in?" Suburbanite: "Oh, no; they come down here to see the girls go out!" ...

    Article : 33 words
  7. The Acme of Bliss.

    First Nursegirl: "So you've got a new place?" Second Nursegirl: "Yes." First Nuresgirl: "Do you like it?" ...

    Article : 35 words
  8. What the Minister Said.

    Jingo: "What did the minister say when the plate came up?" Hingso: "He said he wouldn't mind so much if the buttons were all alike." ...

    Article : 267 words
  9. The Best Fee.

    Fee simple, and a simple fee, And all the fees in tale, Are nothing when compared to thee, Though best of foss—female. ...

    Article : 25 words
  10. Not Negotiable.

    Clerk: "I've—er—had an addition to my family, sir." Employer (absent-mindedly): "Addition? Well, if it's correct enter it in the leger, ...

    Article : 24 words
  11. A Brilliant Idea.

    Inky: "I'm going to bring out a weekly periodical that will be like no other." Winky: "What's the brilliant idea?" Inky: "Why, it won't contain a word ...

    Article : 32 words
  12. Both Alike.

    "Why, good morning, Mr. Thornhill!" "Good morning, Miss—ah—Twyman!" "But I am not Miss Twyman." "Glad to hear it. I'm not Mr. Thornhill either." ...

    Article : 25 words
  13. Naturally.

    De Faque: "If I could get someone to invest a thousand in that scheme of mine I could make some money." Crawford: "How much could you make?" ...

    Article : 35 words
  14. Literary.

    Reader: " Rather severe notice upon Jimpkin's latest work in this review." Critic: "Think so? I wrote it." Reader: "Did you? Do you know the ...

    Article : 38 words
  15. What About the Butterflies?

    City Girl (pointing to a wild plant by the wayside): "What's that?" Country Cousin: That's milkweed." City Girl: "Oh, yes; that's what you feed the cows on." ...

    Article : 31 words
  16. How He Noticed It.

    Mrs. Thinkhard: "Of late years the spread of intelligence among all classes has been simply wonderful." O[?]n Bachelor: "Yes. I notice there has ...

    Article : 37 words
  17. On the Golf Links—the Retort Courteous.

    The Major-General (waiting to drive, to girl carrying baby, who blocks the way): "Now then, hurry on, please, with that baby." ...

    Article : 44 words
  18. Edgar Has His Suspicions.

    "When I kiss you, Edgar, you are not afraid I am going to ask for money, are you? ""No," dear; but I'm afraid you've already cleaned me out while I was asleep." ...

    Article : 36 words
  19. A Musical Family.

    "Do you play any instrument, Mr. Jimp?" "Yes, I'm a cornetist." "And your sister?" "She's a piauist." ...

    Article : 38 words
  20. No Recommendation.

    "I'd be willing to work fifteen hours a day for you, darling!" he ardently, pleaded. "Scab!" she hissed as she swept from the room; for her papa was a walking delegate. ...

    Article : 32 words
  21. Facts and Fancies.

    A little nonsense now and then Is relished by the wisest men.-HUNDIBRAS. He: "You needn't be angry. I could have kissed you two or three times then if I'd ...

    Article : 695 words
  22. Plain English.

    Musical Hostess: "Would you like a gavotte now, Mr. Wildwest?" Mr. Wildwest: "Thank you, no. I don't much care for these confounded foreign ...

    Article : 39 words
  23. Never Heard of Him.

    Politician: "These charges are all humbug." Friend: "Can you disprove 'em?" Politician:. "Can I? Why, look, here—he ...

    Article : 34 words
  24. Extravagance.

    "Dear me!" cried the nurse, "the baby has swallowed my railway ticket. What shall I do?" "Go and buy another at once," returned the ...

    Article : 37 words
  25. At the Athletic Sports.

    Boffin: "Why should you always back a brewer in a jumping competition?" Smithers: "Because his beer gives him the jumps." Boffin: "No; because he is sure ...

    Article : 46 words
  26. Significant.

    Old Lawyer: "How are you getting along?" Young Lawyer: "I have one client." "Is he wealthy?" "He was." ...

    Article : 19 words
  27. Didn't mean That.

    He (pleadingly): "Why can't we be married?" she (coyly): "Oh, I can't bear to leave father alone just yet." ...

    Article : 44 words
  28. A Nice Lookout.

    Mrs. Newlywed (to cook, whom she has just, engaged at registry office): "You see my husband is so very particular about his food." ...

    Article : 49 words
  29. Dad's Experience.

    Tommy: "Mamma had a lot of things sent home C O D to-day. What does C O D mean?" father: "C O D means Call on ...

    Article : 30 words
  30. His Misfortune.

    Teacher: "Try to remember this—Milton the poet was blind. Do you think you can remember it ?" Bobby Smart: "Yes, ma'am." ...

    Article : 38 words
  31. Strictly Logical.

    Curale: "Oh—er-by the way, Mr. Bloggs, I was wonderling whether you would give me a small subscription for a most excellent object: I mean the repairing ...

    Article : 65 words
  32. Not an Exception.

    Mrs. Hoon (indignantly): "I wonder why Mrs. Gabbleton doesn't mind her own business?" Mr. Hoon: "One reason is that she has no ...

    Article : 33 words
  33. Preferred the Trumpet.

    Reverend Mr. Goodman: "So your grandmother gave you a nice big guilt Bible for a Christmas box, all, full of pictures of angels and Saints, did she? I hope you will make ...

    Article : 54 words
  34. A Good Reason.

    "Dar is only one ting dat prevents me from calling yo' a liar, sah!" "And what am dat?" "Mah grandfather weighted two hundred ...

    Article : 42 words
  35. Necessary Lies.

    The Major: "What a slow, affair the De Jones's party proved to be the other right." Miss Hunter: "Positively awful; "I never was so bored in all my life." ...

    Article : 76 words
  36. Ambiguous.

    May (indignantly): "I don't care; I think Harry Easterleigh is downright mean!" Marie: "Why, May?" May: "Well, he wrote me from Egypt, ...

    Article : 54 words
  37. Why He Was Looking So Well.

    Bigson: "How well you're looking this morning, Jigson!" Jigson: "Yes, I never looked' better in my life. I'm looking for a man who owes me ten ...

    Article : 33 words
  38. He Wanted the Situation.

    The other day a man with an Irish brogue entered a newsagent's shop, where a poster was exhibited with the word, "Situation in the Transvaal." Entering the shop, the man ...

    Article : 102 words
  39. Anxious to Please.

    Lady (sitting for portrait): "And make my mouth small, will you, ever so small?. I know it is large, really, but make it quite tiny, will you?" ...

    Article : 44 words
  40. The Late Mr. Hayrix.

    Mrs. Neighbors: "I was very sorry indeed to learn of your sad loss, Mr. Havrix. You have my deepest sympathy."Mr. Hayrix: "Wall, it wur purty bad like. I had ten of the finest ...

    Article : 95 words
  41. How to be Happy Though Married.

    Mrs. Mulligan: "An' what did his 'onner say to you this morning?" Mrs. Mulcahy: "Can't you end your husband live together without fighting?" ...

    Article : 45 words
  42. A Voice From the Gallery.

    A story is told of an opera singer who was a magnificent vocalist, though her figure was somewhat bulky, and upon one occasion this proved rather awkward for a brother artiste. ...

    Article : 110 words
  43. A New Version.

    "Sir, how is it you advertise all the beer a fellow can drink for sixpence and then stop me online glass after I have paid my money?" indignantly demanded Hungry Willie. ...

    Article : 74 words
  44. Getting Custom.

    Sir Augustus Lackcash (to tailor): "My son tells me that you have allowed him to run a bill for three years. I have, therefore, come-" Tailor; "Oh, pray, Sir Augustus, there is ...

    Article : 68 words
  45. The Ruling Passion.

    The clergyman had finished, and the organ Was pssling forth the sonorous, rapture of the Mendelssohn march. "One moment, George," said the radiant bride, and raising ...

    Article : 87 words
  46. Her Little Confidence Game.

    "We're playing railway train,"she said as she pulled her father's paper away, "and I'm the ticket collecter. Tickets, please." He took a card from his pocket and handed ...

    Article : 88 words
  47. Too Well Known.

    "Do you think you can clear him?" the devoted wife asked the lawyer. "I hope so, madam, replied the lawyer, "but I'm afraid-" ...

    Article : 55 words
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