She: "It tells here of a man in Melbourne who hasn't spoken to his wife in fifteen years." He: "Perhaps he is waiting for a chance." ...
Article : 29 wordsGentleman: "Are you really so hard up?" Tramp: "Hard up? Why, sir, if suits of clothes wnz sellin' at a penny a piece I wouldn't have enough to buy the armhole of a vest." ...
Article : 36 wordsImperial Russian Frontier Official (inspecting passport): "On diplomatic business?" Dr. Leyds: "Oh, no! Merely travelling ...
Article : 23 wordsCohen: "Did you effer notice dot matches vill neffer burn yen you vant them to?" Abrahams (drowsily: "No, Cohen, I neffer owned a match factory!" ...
Article : 28 wordsCity Man: "I suppose all these country boys come down here to see the trains come in?" Suburbanite: "Oh, no; they come down here to see the girls go out!" ...
Article : 33 wordsFirst Nursegirl: "So you've got a new place?" Second Nursegirl: "Yes." First Nuresgirl: "Do you like it?" ...
Article : 35 wordsJingo: "What did the minister say when the plate came up?" Hingso: "He said he wouldn't mind so much if the buttons were all alike." ...
Article : 267 wordsFee simple, and a simple fee, And all the fees in tale, Are nothing when compared to thee, Though best of foss—female. ...
Article : 25 wordsClerk: "I've—er—had an addition to my family, sir." Employer (absent-mindedly): "Addition? Well, if it's correct enter it in the leger, ...
Article : 24 wordsInky: "I'm going to bring out a weekly periodical that will be like no other." Winky: "What's the brilliant idea?" Inky: "Why, it won't contain a word ...
Article : 32 words"Why, good morning, Mr. Thornhill!" "Good morning, Miss—ah—Twyman!" "But I am not Miss Twyman." "Glad to hear it. I'm not Mr. Thornhill either." ...
Article : 25 wordsDe Faque: "If I could get someone to invest a thousand in that scheme of mine I could make some money." Crawford: "How much could you make?" ...
Article : 35 wordsReader: " Rather severe notice upon Jimpkin's latest work in this review." Critic: "Think so? I wrote it." Reader: "Did you? Do you know the ...
Article : 38 wordsCity Girl (pointing to a wild plant by the wayside): "What's that?" Country Cousin: That's milkweed." City Girl: "Oh, yes; that's what you feed the cows on." ...
Article : 31 wordsMrs. Thinkhard: "Of late years the spread of intelligence among all classes has been simply wonderful." O[?]n Bachelor: "Yes. I notice there has ...
Article : 37 wordsThe Major-General (waiting to drive, to girl carrying baby, who blocks the way): "Now then, hurry on, please, with that baby." ...
Article : 44 words"When I kiss you, Edgar, you are not afraid I am going to ask for money, are you? ""No," dear; but I'm afraid you've already cleaned me out while I was asleep." ...
Article : 36 words"Do you play any instrument, Mr. Jimp?" "Yes, I'm a cornetist." "And your sister?" "She's a piauist." ...
Article : 38 words"I'd be willing to work fifteen hours a day for you, darling!" he ardently, pleaded. "Scab!" she hissed as she swept from the room; for her papa was a walking delegate. ...
Article : 32 wordsA little nonsense now and then Is relished by the wisest men.-HUNDIBRAS. He: "You needn't be angry. I could have kissed you two or three times then if I'd ...
Article : 695 wordsMusical Hostess: "Would you like a gavotte now, Mr. Wildwest?" Mr. Wildwest: "Thank you, no. I don't much care for these confounded foreign ...
Article : 39 wordsPolitician: "These charges are all humbug." Friend: "Can you disprove 'em?" Politician:. "Can I? Why, look, here—he ...
Article : 34 words"Dear me!" cried the nurse, "the baby has swallowed my railway ticket. What shall I do?" "Go and buy another at once," returned the ...
Article : 37 wordsBoffin: "Why should you always back a brewer in a jumping competition?" Smithers: "Because his beer gives him the jumps." Boffin: "No; because he is sure ...
Article : 46 wordsOld Lawyer: "How are you getting along?" Young Lawyer: "I have one client." "Is he wealthy?" "He was." ...
Article : 19 wordsHe (pleadingly): "Why can't we be married?" she (coyly): "Oh, I can't bear to leave father alone just yet." ...
Article : 44 wordsMrs. Newlywed (to cook, whom she has just, engaged at registry office): "You see my husband is so very particular about his food." ...
Article : 49 wordsTommy: "Mamma had a lot of things sent home C O D to-day. What does C O D mean?" father: "C O D means Call on ...
Article : 30 wordsTeacher: "Try to remember this—Milton the poet was blind. Do you think you can remember it ?" Bobby Smart: "Yes, ma'am." ...
Article : 38 wordsCurale: "Oh—er-by the way, Mr. Bloggs, I was wonderling whether you would give me a small subscription for a most excellent object: I mean the repairing ...
Article : 65 wordsMrs. Hoon (indignantly): "I wonder why Mrs. Gabbleton doesn't mind her own business?" Mr. Hoon: "One reason is that she has no ...
Article : 33 wordsReverend Mr. Goodman: "So your grandmother gave you a nice big guilt Bible for a Christmas box, all, full of pictures of angels and Saints, did she? I hope you will make ...
Article : 54 words"Dar is only one ting dat prevents me from calling yo' a liar, sah!" "And what am dat?" "Mah grandfather weighted two hundred ...
Article : 42 wordsThe Major: "What a slow, affair the De Jones's party proved to be the other right." Miss Hunter: "Positively awful; "I never was so bored in all my life." ...
Article : 76 wordsMay (indignantly): "I don't care; I think Harry Easterleigh is downright mean!" Marie: "Why, May?" May: "Well, he wrote me from Egypt, ...
Article : 54 wordsBigson: "How well you're looking this morning, Jigson!" Jigson: "Yes, I never looked' better in my life. I'm looking for a man who owes me ten ...
Article : 33 wordsThe other day a man with an Irish brogue entered a newsagent's shop, where a poster was exhibited with the word, "Situation in the Transvaal." Entering the shop, the man ...
Article : 102 wordsLady (sitting for portrait): "And make my mouth small, will you, ever so small?. I know it is large, really, but make it quite tiny, will you?" ...
Article : 44 wordsMrs. Neighbors: "I was very sorry indeed to learn of your sad loss, Mr. Havrix. You have my deepest sympathy."Mr. Hayrix: "Wall, it wur purty bad like. I had ten of the finest ...
Article : 95 wordsMrs. Mulligan: "An' what did his 'onner say to you this morning?" Mrs. Mulcahy: "Can't you end your husband live together without fighting?" ...
Article : 45 wordsA story is told of an opera singer who was a magnificent vocalist, though her figure was somewhat bulky, and upon one occasion this proved rather awkward for a brother artiste. ...
Article : 110 words"Sir, how is it you advertise all the beer a fellow can drink for sixpence and then stop me online glass after I have paid my money?" indignantly demanded Hungry Willie. ...
Article : 74 wordsSir Augustus Lackcash (to tailor): "My son tells me that you have allowed him to run a bill for three years. I have, therefore, come-" Tailor; "Oh, pray, Sir Augustus, there is ...
Article : 68 wordsThe clergyman had finished, and the organ Was pssling forth the sonorous, rapture of the Mendelssohn march. "One moment, George," said the radiant bride, and raising ...
Article : 87 words"We're playing railway train,"she said as she pulled her father's paper away, "and I'm the ticket collecter. Tickets, please." He took a card from his pocket and handed ...
Article : 88 words"Do you think you can clear him?" the devoted wife asked the lawyer. "I hope so, madam, replied the lawyer, "but I'm afraid-" ...
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The Queenslander (Brisbane, Qld. : 1866 - 1939), Sat 14 Apr 1900, Page 692
It's easy and takes two shakes of a lamb's tail!
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